August 31, 2010

Tonight I've spent some more time pondering and studying about gender roles and what it means, in the Lord's view, to be female and male. I got on lds.org and did a search and read an article from "A Parent's Guide" about teaching children from 4-11 years old. It was interesting to read. It talked a lot about teaching gender roles, so it was fascinating to read. What I really liked about it was how it talked about the "patterns of behavior that are appropriate for all people." They are Christlike characteristics of "faith, hope, charity, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, kindness, godliness, humility, diligence, and love." The article said these virtues "transcend gender." It also discussed that spiritual gifts, such as "knowledge, belief, administration, organization, and discernment" are also "not restricted to one gender either." I knew all of this but it was really good to read it in print. These are the characteristics that I wish to focus on teaching my family.

Then the article got into the more specific gender roles and there were questions and uncertainties still there for me. First of all, the roles for males and females essentially come to this: males' roles are to be a husband and father and females' roles are to be a wife and mother. I have no issues with that whatsoever. In fact, that is my vision, to be a powerful wife and mother, and it is so strong of a vision that I walked across fire for it. So I'm fine with that.

Where the questions arise is in this part of the article: "Mothers work along with daughters to bake bread, sew and plan family menus and budgets. Mothers perform compassionate services with their daughters as companions. ... They sing, play musical instruments, compose music, write poems and develop artistic talents with their daughters. Fathers work with sons in repairing things around the house, maintaining the yard or car, and planning the budget. Fathers invite sons to help them perform service and let them observe priesthood blessings. And fathers hike or play ball or engage in other mutually satisfying activities with their sons." It did go on to say that of course mothers teach sons and fathers teach daughters, if the child shows an interest in cooking or using a hammer... etc. But I take issue with this advice. To me it seems to perpetuate male/female stereotypes that could in fact be damaging in the long run. For example, let's say a boy is interested in and loves cooking, but it carries a stereotypical female image to it. Would he pursue it and risk being viewed as feminine or would he not pursue it and squander a potential talent? What about for girls playing sports? Why should boys learn to catch and throw a ball but not girls? I think that, just like the Christlike characteristics and spiritual gifts, none of these activities should be labeled as gender specific. It irks me that they are.

Now, we get into deeper meanings and duties of womanhood and manhood from these quotes, which I tend to feel better about: "Woman possesses the power to ennoble or degrade. It is she who gives life to the babe, who wields gradually and constantly the impress of character to childhood and youth, who inspires manhood to noble ambition or entices and ensnares it to defeat and degradation, who makes a home a haven of bliss or a den of discontent, who at her best gives life its sweetest hopes and choicest blessings. [Men] should treat their wives as they should treat them, make their homes as comfortable as they possibly can, lighten the burden upon their companions as much as possible; set a proper example before their children; teach them to meet with them in prayer, morning and night, and whenever they sit down to partake of food and acknowledge the hand of God in all things." And both are commanded to multiply and replenish the earth. That is only possible between male and female.

I really liked this statement by the First Presidency in 1935: "The true spirit of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints gives to woman the highest place of honor in human life." Wow. That is a cool statement. And this one stood out to me too: "There is eternal significance in being a man or a woman." President Kimball said, "The high purposes of life are damaged and destroyed by the growing unisex theory."

I believe these statements. I believe our gender identity as females and males is eternal in nature and is very important. However, I do not believe that baking bread and fixing cars are those eternal components of our gender identity. It's so so much more and I still feel like I have a lot more to discover. I want to break down harmful gender stereotypes and build up gender roles that are helping us to accomplish our specific purposes and missions as males and females.