Tonight I read The Family: A Proclamation to the World. These are the things that stood out to me: "All human beings male and female are created in the image of God." Note that both genders are created in the image of a singular God. This is very profound for me. I take that it could mean two different things. One, that "God," as a being, is made of both genders. The other is that "God" is a term that actually includes both a male and female; a husband and wife, working together as one. I believe the second is true. And thus, whenever I read in the scriptures any references to "God" my mind and heart always include both my Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother.
I love that the family proclamation is a declaration of what God's standard is... what his commandments are... not a mandate that everyone must follow, but a presentation of a choice: if one wishes to follow God's pattern, this is it.
I love this paragraph: "Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to LOVE and CARE for each other and for their children." "Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives - mothers and fathers - will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations."
Later in the proclamation it says, "By divine design, fathers are to preside [be in authority; administer, conduct, control, direct, govern, lead, manage, operate, run...] over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."
I looked at the definition of "responsible" and feel it is definitely worthy to make note of: it means "accountable, in charge." "Responsible is liable to be required to give an account, as of one's actions or of the discharge of a duty or trust." So when one is responsible for something, it doesn't necessarily mean they themselves have to be the only one to fulfill the duty... it means they will be accountable as to how that duty was fulfilled. So fathers are responsible for providing the necessities of life and protection for their families. I imagine a father who wants to fulfill his divine responsibility would constantly be asking himself: "How are my family's needs being provided for? How is my family being protected?" Those are the questions a father will need to answer come accountability time. And a mother's responsibility is for the nurture of her children. So a mother will be answerable for these questions: "How are my children developing? How and what are my children being taught? What are my children learning? How and what are my children being fed?" I envision a husband and wife working together in council and asking each other for help in certain areas to ensure that they can give the best possible answers for those questions as to what they will be held accountable for.
I did note that there is an expectation of fathers... not a responsibility, an expectation: fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness. Synonyms of "preside" that I found worthy of noting are: "administer, conduct, direct, govern, lead, manage, operate, run..." So if this is the Lord's expectation of his sons as fathers, then I, as a mother, want to ensure that along with teaching my sons to be loving and righteous, that I am teaching them the skills to govern, lead and manage so they will be prepared to fulfill the Lord's expectation of them. It's important to remember that a good leader is a good follower as well. I want to teach leadership skills to both my sons and daughters for they both will have many opportunities to be in positions of leadership. Even in my patriarchal blessing it tells me to accept the leadership opportunities that will come into my life. I want my sons to clearly understand the Lord's expectation of them in presiding over their families in love and righteousness. I love the family proclamation and do believe it to be divinely inspired. I have enjoyed my study of it tonight and feel like it will help me become a better parent and to better fulfill my responsibilities.
Showing posts with label fatherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fatherhood. Show all posts
September 1, 2010
Tonight I read an article from a 1975 Conference Ensign that was referred to from what I read last night. It was written by Spencer W. Kimball and is called The Lord's Plan for Men and Women. These are the quotes from it that I really liked: "The bodies of men and the bodies of women were created differently so they complement each other, so that the union of the two would bring a conception which would bring a living soul into the world." The Lord's program, His plan, is to use the union of a man and woman to bring a soul into this world and allow them their own opportunity of growth.
I liked this quote too: "The union of the sexes, husband and wife (and only husband and wife), was the principal purpose of bringing children into the world. Sexual experiences were never intended by the Lord to be a mere plaything or merely to satisfy passions and lusts. We know of no directive from the Lord that proper sexual experience between husbands and wives need be limited totally to the procreation of children, but we find much evidence from Adam until now that no provision was ever made by the Lord for indiscriminate sex." I really believe this statement to be true and it resonates deeply within my soul.
I also loved this, and while reading it, it helped me to cement a decision in my heart: "Concerning marriage and the roles of man and woman, let no man defy God or set aside his divine program. ... Why do some allow themselves to criticize - criticize God's plan? Why can't they accept their roles in life and be grateful for them? ... I sincerely hope that our Latter-day Saint girls and women, and men and boys, will ... conform their lives to the beautiful and comprehensive roles the Lord assigned to them. I hope we shall not attempt to perfect an already perfect plan, but seek with all our might, mind and strength to perfect ourselves in the comprehensive program given to us. ... Let us control our attitudes, our activities, our total lives, that we may be heir to the rich and numerous blessings promised to us."
I trust God and his plan of happiness for me. I trust it with all my heart. I have made my decision firmly now and I will stick with it and defend it. I will conform myself to the role of wife and mother which the Lord has given me. And I will teach my children to accept their God-given roles as well... my boys to accept the role of husband and father and my girls to accept the role of wife and mother. The key in this for me is that these are God-given roles I am accepting... not culture given roles. I want to be the kind of wife and mother that is according the the Lord's standard... and teach my children to do the same.
So the next task for me to work on is to begin studying what does the Lord expect from His daughters in their roles as wives and mothers? And what does He expect from His sons in their roles as husbands and fathers? I want to find my answers in the scriptures, which includes modern day revelation and my own personal revelation. I want to feel the Spirit strongly in regards to each of my expected duties in my role as wife and mother, just as I have felt the Spirit strongly in desiring to make this decision firmly.
I liked this quote too: "The union of the sexes, husband and wife (and only husband and wife), was the principal purpose of bringing children into the world. Sexual experiences were never intended by the Lord to be a mere plaything or merely to satisfy passions and lusts. We know of no directive from the Lord that proper sexual experience between husbands and wives need be limited totally to the procreation of children, but we find much evidence from Adam until now that no provision was ever made by the Lord for indiscriminate sex." I really believe this statement to be true and it resonates deeply within my soul.
I also loved this, and while reading it, it helped me to cement a decision in my heart: "Concerning marriage and the roles of man and woman, let no man defy God or set aside his divine program. ... Why do some allow themselves to criticize - criticize God's plan? Why can't they accept their roles in life and be grateful for them? ... I sincerely hope that our Latter-day Saint girls and women, and men and boys, will ... conform their lives to the beautiful and comprehensive roles the Lord assigned to them. I hope we shall not attempt to perfect an already perfect plan, but seek with all our might, mind and strength to perfect ourselves in the comprehensive program given to us. ... Let us control our attitudes, our activities, our total lives, that we may be heir to the rich and numerous blessings promised to us."
I trust God and his plan of happiness for me. I trust it with all my heart. I have made my decision firmly now and I will stick with it and defend it. I will conform myself to the role of wife and mother which the Lord has given me. And I will teach my children to accept their God-given roles as well... my boys to accept the role of husband and father and my girls to accept the role of wife and mother. The key in this for me is that these are God-given roles I am accepting... not culture given roles. I want to be the kind of wife and mother that is according the the Lord's standard... and teach my children to do the same.
So the next task for me to work on is to begin studying what does the Lord expect from His daughters in their roles as wives and mothers? And what does He expect from His sons in their roles as husbands and fathers? I want to find my answers in the scriptures, which includes modern day revelation and my own personal revelation. I want to feel the Spirit strongly in regards to each of my expected duties in my role as wife and mother, just as I have felt the Spirit strongly in desiring to make this decision firmly.
August 31, 2010
Tonight I've spent some more time pondering and studying about gender roles and what it means, in the Lord's view, to be female and male. I got on lds.org and did a search and read an article from "A Parent's Guide" about teaching children from 4-11 years old. It was interesting to read. It talked a lot about teaching gender roles, so it was fascinating to read. What I really liked about it was how it talked about the "patterns of behavior that are appropriate for all people." They are Christlike characteristics of "faith, hope, charity, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, kindness, godliness, humility, diligence, and love." The article said these virtues "transcend gender." It also discussed that spiritual gifts, such as "knowledge, belief, administration, organization, and discernment" are also "not restricted to one gender either." I knew all of this but it was really good to read it in print. These are the characteristics that I wish to focus on teaching my family.
Then the article got into the more specific gender roles and there were questions and uncertainties still there for me. First of all, the roles for males and females essentially come to this: males' roles are to be a husband and father and females' roles are to be a wife and mother. I have no issues with that whatsoever. In fact, that is my vision, to be a powerful wife and mother, and it is so strong of a vision that I walked across fire for it. So I'm fine with that.
Where the questions arise is in this part of the article: "Mothers work along with daughters to bake bread, sew and plan family menus and budgets. Mothers perform compassionate services with their daughters as companions. ... They sing, play musical instruments, compose music, write poems and develop artistic talents with their daughters. Fathers work with sons in repairing things around the house, maintaining the yard or car, and planning the budget. Fathers invite sons to help them perform service and let them observe priesthood blessings. And fathers hike or play ball or engage in other mutually satisfying activities with their sons." It did go on to say that of course mothers teach sons and fathers teach daughters, if the child shows an interest in cooking or using a hammer... etc. But I take issue with this advice. To me it seems to perpetuate male/female stereotypes that could in fact be damaging in the long run. For example, let's say a boy is interested in and loves cooking, but it carries a stereotypical female image to it. Would he pursue it and risk being viewed as feminine or would he not pursue it and squander a potential talent? What about for girls playing sports? Why should boys learn to catch and throw a ball but not girls? I think that, just like the Christlike characteristics and spiritual gifts, none of these activities should be labeled as gender specific. It irks me that they are.
Now, we get into deeper meanings and duties of womanhood and manhood from these quotes, which I tend to feel better about: "Woman possesses the power to ennoble or degrade. It is she who gives life to the babe, who wields gradually and constantly the impress of character to childhood and youth, who inspires manhood to noble ambition or entices and ensnares it to defeat and degradation, who makes a home a haven of bliss or a den of discontent, who at her best gives life its sweetest hopes and choicest blessings. [Men] should treat their wives as they should treat them, make their homes as comfortable as they possibly can, lighten the burden upon their companions as much as possible; set a proper example before their children; teach them to meet with them in prayer, morning and night, and whenever they sit down to partake of food and acknowledge the hand of God in all things." And both are commanded to multiply and replenish the earth. That is only possible between male and female.
I really liked this statement by the First Presidency in 1935: "The true spirit of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints gives to woman the highest place of honor in human life." Wow. That is a cool statement. And this one stood out to me too: "There is eternal significance in being a man or a woman." President Kimball said, "The high purposes of life are damaged and destroyed by the growing unisex theory."
I believe these statements. I believe our gender identity as females and males is eternal in nature and is very important. However, I do not believe that baking bread and fixing cars are those eternal components of our gender identity. It's so so much more and I still feel like I have a lot more to discover. I want to break down harmful gender stereotypes and build up gender roles that are helping us to accomplish our specific purposes and missions as males and females.
Then the article got into the more specific gender roles and there were questions and uncertainties still there for me. First of all, the roles for males and females essentially come to this: males' roles are to be a husband and father and females' roles are to be a wife and mother. I have no issues with that whatsoever. In fact, that is my vision, to be a powerful wife and mother, and it is so strong of a vision that I walked across fire for it. So I'm fine with that.
Where the questions arise is in this part of the article: "Mothers work along with daughters to bake bread, sew and plan family menus and budgets. Mothers perform compassionate services with their daughters as companions. ... They sing, play musical instruments, compose music, write poems and develop artistic talents with their daughters. Fathers work with sons in repairing things around the house, maintaining the yard or car, and planning the budget. Fathers invite sons to help them perform service and let them observe priesthood blessings. And fathers hike or play ball or engage in other mutually satisfying activities with their sons." It did go on to say that of course mothers teach sons and fathers teach daughters, if the child shows an interest in cooking or using a hammer... etc. But I take issue with this advice. To me it seems to perpetuate male/female stereotypes that could in fact be damaging in the long run. For example, let's say a boy is interested in and loves cooking, but it carries a stereotypical female image to it. Would he pursue it and risk being viewed as feminine or would he not pursue it and squander a potential talent? What about for girls playing sports? Why should boys learn to catch and throw a ball but not girls? I think that, just like the Christlike characteristics and spiritual gifts, none of these activities should be labeled as gender specific. It irks me that they are.
Now, we get into deeper meanings and duties of womanhood and manhood from these quotes, which I tend to feel better about: "Woman possesses the power to ennoble or degrade. It is she who gives life to the babe, who wields gradually and constantly the impress of character to childhood and youth, who inspires manhood to noble ambition or entices and ensnares it to defeat and degradation, who makes a home a haven of bliss or a den of discontent, who at her best gives life its sweetest hopes and choicest blessings. [Men] should treat their wives as they should treat them, make their homes as comfortable as they possibly can, lighten the burden upon their companions as much as possible; set a proper example before their children; teach them to meet with them in prayer, morning and night, and whenever they sit down to partake of food and acknowledge the hand of God in all things." And both are commanded to multiply and replenish the earth. That is only possible between male and female.
I really liked this statement by the First Presidency in 1935: "The true spirit of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints gives to woman the highest place of honor in human life." Wow. That is a cool statement. And this one stood out to me too: "There is eternal significance in being a man or a woman." President Kimball said, "The high purposes of life are damaged and destroyed by the growing unisex theory."
I believe these statements. I believe our gender identity as females and males is eternal in nature and is very important. However, I do not believe that baking bread and fixing cars are those eternal components of our gender identity. It's so so much more and I still feel like I have a lot more to discover. I want to break down harmful gender stereotypes and build up gender roles that are helping us to accomplish our specific purposes and missions as males and females.
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