July 11, 2010

Tonight I read a Conference talk called Developing Good Judgment and Not Judging Others by Gregory A. Schwitzer. He talked of two kinds of important judgments: the ones we make of other people and the judgments we make about important decisions. When judging others we need to be careful not to stick to our initial judgment. We should always seek to know more about people. Misjudging them can cause us to not ever discover a person's true nature.

I had an experience with this that stands out clearly in my mind. I had an English class in college and on the first day of class I made some immediate judgments about my professor. She had an annoying laugh that lasted long enough to make one feel uncomfortable, especially because what she laughed about no one else seemed to find humorous. Her clothes were unstylish and nerdy. And I was most taken aback by her hairstyle. Her bangs were cut so short, it reminded me of the look of a 5 year old who got a hold of a pair of scissors and cropped their bangs off while mom wasn't looking. I moaned inside to myself as I sat and listened to her talk and laugh at unfunny statements that first day. I felt like it was going to be a long semester and not enjoyable at all. Then suddenly, my thoughts turned. I have no doubt it was the influence of the Spirit. I realized I was completely judging her on just her outward appearance and that that wasn't fair. I decided then and there that I would set aside all of my initial judgments and make a point to do my best to get to know more about her. After each class I always at least thanked her and said goodbye before leaving. And a handful of times I stayed after and began asking her more questions about herself... where she was from, what she liked to do, etc. I found myself growing to like her and realized that I actually shared a lot more in common with her than I would have ever guessed. One day after class I was taken aback when, after having engaged in a conversation with her, I noticed tears in her eyes while I was speaking to her. I don't remember what I was saying and I know it wasn't because of what I was saying that she had tears because it wasn't even anything tear-worthy. That's why I felt surprised to notice her tears. And then the Spirit spoke to my heart and I knew the reason for her tears wasn't because of what I was saying... they came because she could feel that I truly cared enough about her to listen to her, seek to know her better and to engage in a meaningful personal discussion with her. And I don't know that many others had really done that with her because they couldn't get past the initial judgments they made about her. Then tears came to my own eyes as I realized that I would never have seen her true beauty, never would have had the opportunity to act as an instrument in helping her to feel love and acceptance, never would have learned the valuable lesson I did if I had chosen to stick with my initial judgment of her. I loved that experience. I worked hard and diligently in that class and received a good grade. And although we parted ways at the end of the semester, she became, to me, someone I would call a friend.

The other kind of judging about making important decisions is what he talks about next. He gives four suggestions to develop good judgment in that arena. "First, put your own personal standards in alignment with the gospel of Jesus Christ. Second, listen to the messages of the living prophet. Third, cultivate with the Holy Spirit a relationship of listening. Fourth, keep the commandments." I feel good that I am following all of those guides and I can testify that I have felt confident and good about the decisions I have made recently. These suggestions work.